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The Radiance of Imago...
Imago (i-ma’-go) is the Latin word for image and is used to describe a butterfly
that has emerged from it’s chrysalis, transformed into it’s radiant, mature adult self.
Harville Hendrix, Ph.D., chose the word imago to describe the Relationship Coaching
and Therapy he originally developed for couples because he discovered that couples
carry an unconscious image of their perfect partner. In his book, “Getting the Love
You Want,” he describes the opportunities for growing and becoming whole when you
understand the reasons why you have chosen your partner, why your partner often
provides you with your worst nightmare, and how working with the purpose for all
this can transform your relationship into one of tenderness and intimacy. He and
his wife, Helen LaKelly Hunt, have authored several books together including “Giving
the Love that Heals: A Guide for Parents” and their most recent, “Receiving Love.”
Imago integrates ideas from major western psychological, spiritual, and scientific
traditions and is effective in any close relationship where you are committed to
learning about yourself from the inside out along with learning about those you
care about—thus transforming the way you are with each other.
“I was only coming to please my wife...what was all this relationship coaching stuff!?!
And we had to pay for this? I was really skeptical, until after the third session
when I was pleasantly surprised at how much it was helping. You can’t put a price
tag on how much our relationship has changed and grown. Linda is fantastic.”
Tony, Robot Technician
“I came with the thought that Linda would fix Tony. And it has so not been about that.
It’s been about working on the relationship and how the past impacts the present.
It’s been hard to look at myself and now I see myself so much more clearly.
It’s so valuable. It has given me a way of talking and looking at our situation
differently and responding instead of reacting in the moment.”
Alberta, Speech Therapist
Alberta & Tony are a delightful African-American
couple with an amazing Radiant Spirit
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The focus in Imago Relationship Coaching is the energy in the sacred space between two people...
the space where you meet. We all get hurt in relationships. Without your being conscious of
what is happening, your brain records the hurt. Then whenever a present situation resembles
a past hurt, a defensive reaction designed to protect you is automatically triggered.
Even though this defensive reaction protects you, it also works against you and against
your relationships. You lose touch with your real, radiant self...the self you were when
you came into the world. The people around you want your real, radiant self to return.
Often their hurt at your disappearance causes an automatic defensive reaction in them.
Then you are relating defense to defense instead of radiant self to radiant self.
Your defensive reactions pollute the energy in the space between you, even when you
care deeply about each other and want to relate respectfully and lovingly. Respectful,
loving energy cannot flow in the midst of this pollution. Since you may be unaware or
only marginally aware of any of this, you are often left wondering why your relationships
aren’t working or why you get so upset with others or they get so upset with you.
Using innovative, state-of-the-art relationship and communication skills, Imago coaches
create an environment of safety where you are freed to see what you could not previously
see. These “aha” moments of understanding clear the space for your real, radiant selves
to emerge with compassion, tenderness, and intimacy. Smiles of radiant joy burst forth
as responsiveness replaces defensive reaction and respectful, loving energy flows freely
once more.
Linda trained with Hendrix in 1994 and her passion is facilitating these “aha” moments
and witnessing the amazement and joy that bursts forth when loving energy begins to
flow again. Linda has also spent a number of years working in addiction treatment
settings and is well acquainted with and supportive of 12-Step Programs. The recovering
community knows that intimate relationships pose one of the major threats to maintaining
sobriety, and Imago Relationship Coaching can be enormously helpful.
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What Oprah Says
"What we are all striving for is authenticity, a spirit-to-spirit connection.
According to Harville Hendrix, PhD, author of Getting the Love You Want, most
people are coupled with someone who brings up all their past issues. Dr. Hendrix
explained it this way when he appeared on my show: ‘The purpose of marriage is
to finish your childhood. And if you finish your childhood, you will live
happily every after.’"
“What I know for Sure,” Oprah magazine, March 2002, pg 216
And THIS is the method that Linda Marshall, M.Div., uses to coach her clients!
For a more detailed explanation of the theory and methodology of Imago, see FAQ
on this website. Or for more information about Imago, click here.
“Once the realization is accepted
that even between the closest people
infinite distances exist,
a marvelous living side-by-side
can grow up for them,
if they succeed in loving
the expanse between them,
which gives them the possibility
of always seeing each other as whole
and before an immense sky.”
Rainer Maria Rilke
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Imago Relationship Coaching for Committed Couples~~
Attending to the Loving Energy
in the Sacred Space Between
"Marriage is not only the expression of
love between two people, it is also a profound evocation of one of life's
greatest mysteries, the weaving together of many different strands of the soul."
Thomas Moore
The focus is sustaining, restoring, and enriching the loving energy in the
sacred space between you, transforming your committed relationship from the inside out.
“This is a second marriage for both of us and we were shocked when things weren’t
going well for us. So we got help right away because we didn’t want a repeat of
a painful divorce. Thanks to our Higher Power we did because, working with Linda,
we learned how much fun marriage can be.”
Amanda, Administrative Assistant
“I was the quiet one of the two of us until Linda taught Amanda to listen to me
with curiosity. I surprised myself with how much I had to say. That was a turning
point in our relationship.”
Scott, Construction Worker
Amanda & Scott are recovering alcoholics who
found their radiant spirits in AA
and added
sparkle to them in their Couples Coaching
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Imago Relationship Coaching
for Pre-marital Couples~~
Building A Strong Foundation
For Your Marriage
Usually, during the early part of your relationship, your radiant self shines forth
without much pollution going on. The loving energy tends to flow more freely in
the romantic love stage. Coaching for pre-marital couples is aimed at keeping the
loving energy flowing...keeping a good relationship good. Unfortunately, in our
culture, relationship and communication skills are not learned in school and often
aren’t modeled for you by the adults around you. The result is far too many couples
and their children experiencing the pain of divorce.
Most couples wait at least six years to seek help once they experience things not working
well for them. Many wait even longer. By that time, the process of undoing the hurtful
patterns of relating and learning ways that release the loving energy again is very
painful. The journey through the valley of the shadow of death is not for the faint
of heart. Many cannot tolerate the process and find it easier to separate than to
take the steps to rediscover and restore their love for each other.
The wise couple seeks to learn these skills while it is much easier, building a strong
foundation for your marriage.
“I was really scared of marriage because my parent’s
marriage was so bad. After participating in one of Linda’s educational sessions,
I brought my boyfriend. This was an answer to prayers. After working with Linda,
we choose to marry and my wedding day was filled with joy rather than fear.
I had confidence that we could make it work. We have two children now and we’ve
had our share of ups and downs, and with the tools we learned from Linda, we have
a solid relationship.”
Judith, Elementary School Teacher
Judith & Rick did some amazingly in-depth work prior
to their wedding. I have tremendous respect for the way
they worked through their challenges and fears.
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Imago Relationship Coaching for
Family and Friends and others~~
Listening to the Essence
"Love is above all the gift of oneself."
Jean Anhouilh
"To understand another is one of life's richest blessings,
and to be understood by another is perhaps love's sweetest,
most satisfying gift."
Hemmingway
“To listen fully
means to pay close attention to what is being said beneath the words.
You listen not only to the ‘music’ but
to the essence of the person speaking.
You listen not only for what someone knows, but for what he or she is. Ears
operate at the speed of sound, which is far slower than the speed of light the
eyes take in. Generative listening
is the art of developing deeper silences
in yourself, so you can slow your mind’s hearing to your ears’ natural speed,
and hear beneath the words to their meaning.”
Peter Senge
These wonderful quotes by Jean Anhouith, Hemmingway,
and Peter Senge capture the radiant-spirit-to-radiant-spirit
communicating that is so much at the heart of
Imago Relationship Coaching
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Imago Relationship Coaching for Individuals~~
Increasing Your Capacity for
Relating Effectively & Loving
I love working with individuals who are really interested in bringing forth your best
selves—your radiant spirit within...evolving into your highest levels of functioning
possible. The tools of Imago offer you this opportunity. Since we all have relationships
and the quality of your life is dependent upon how well your relationships are functioning,
Imago Relationship Coaching works wonders for individuals who are interested in
increasing your capacity for relating to others in effective and loving ways,
even if you have no one to participate in the sessions with you.
“This is some of the hardest work I’ve ever done.
I really have to look at me and what I contribute to any relationships in my life
that aren’t working well. And I am so grateful for the tools I am learning from
Linda. Even if I don’t get the response I want, I know I’ve done a good job.
And that, sometimes, is all I can expect.”
Kathy, Computer Programmer
Kathy shows such courage, strength, and commitment to
becoming the best possible person and relater she can be.
I have nothing but admiration for her.
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Imago Relationship Coaching for Groups~~
Clearing the Space for Effective
Collaboration & Productivity
When groups work together and there is a breakdown in
understanding, the tools of Imago that lead to understanding and compassion can
clear the space for respectful interactions and goodwill. This results in an
increase in effective collaboration and productivity. These tools have been
especially effective in groups committed to a mission together, like church groups
or non-profit service organizations.
“We were experiencing a huge communication gap with our pastor.
It was very painful for us, because we all love our church. Linda was very sensitive to
our fears and misgivings about the process. After prayer and calling for the presence
of the Holy Spirit to be with us, she taught us a way to talk with each other where
we could speak our truths with love and respect. It was amazing how helpful it was.
We found so much value in the process, that we decided to continue meeting for these
open, honest, and healing talks.”
A committed church member
It was an honor and a privilege for me to work with
this awesome group of people who allowed the Holy
Spirit to work a miracle in their midst.
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